fixing essay : Essay Fountain

I have great reasoned arguments for dieting, but now just add one counterargument paragraph and in that paragraph say something like, “Those who oppose dieting argue that weight-loss surgery is more effective for people due to ….” then say why surgery is better. At that point, in this paragraph you then can concede (agree) that surgery is good, or you can refute (fight) and say that no, dieting is still the better way to go over surgery.
 
Since you will need to delete several paragraphs in my essay (the ones that say dieting are not good…that confuses and weakens your essay), you will most likely need to add a couple paragraphs of additional reasons why dieting is good, or simply expand on the paragraphs you currently have in order to meet the length requirement. 
 
Also, make  sure to have a STRONG personal example that says why dieting is the way to go.

 

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put an example that shows i have a good experience with diet 

I have a example in my essay i highlight it in green.try to keep it in the way that i wrote but in sametime try to chage it to support diet.

i highlight the area that need work in yellow. ( use the same sourses that i used )

 

KEEP THE CONCLUSIN BUT TRY TO EXTAND IT TO MAKE THE ESSAY IN 5 FULL Pgs

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